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As you remember, a few months ago I did a workshop with Justin & Mary Marantz in New Haven - and one of the biggest things I walked away with wasn't beautiful photos, or the ability to keep my wits about me on a wedding day (I mean - I did learn those things too!), but it was something Mary said to me in the first 20 minutes of shooting. Forget expectations.

Funny she should say that as that was our theme for the year in 2011 - we were preparing to move to wherever God was calling Andrew in his ministry, and while we had both lived our entire lives in the Midwest we had to be realistic that God could call us to wherever He wanted. Thus - no expectations became our mantra. Having no expectations helped us go from frantic 'what-if-god-calls-us-to-the-middle-of-who-knows-where' to being able to truly center ourselves on the fact that when we have expectations, where are not having open eyes and ears to where we are being led in life.

So for Mary to say those two words to me as I am boiling over in frantic 'what-if-people-say-i-have-the-wrong-camera-wrong-lenses-wrong-website-or-don't-do-what-everyone-else-is-doing" jabber, all I could think was "are you kidding me?".

Maybe God sends us reoccuring messages in different ways so we can be reminded that He created us individually. That He created us with gifts and abilities different from each other. So that we listen and watch closely for those moments where He is especially talking to us. So that we aren't looking at what others have, what paths others are walking and think that there is a one size fits all standard to life.

Maybe you need to hear this today too - to leave your expectations of what things should be and accept them as they are. That things as they are might be better than what you expected.

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Somehow I think clearer with the honking horns and energy of the city. My extroverted being seems to rest when the world around me is in a busy flurry of activity - and I can rest in a deep down kind of way where all that busy flurry is off my shoulders and transferred onto the streets. So here I am on a Sunday afternoon....dreaming, scheming, giving my heart and soul room to dream so many deep dreams and plans for my life.

I put down my pen after a half hour of scribbling, and look out over the skyline. I want to capture this moment for myself. To look back on and draw the peace, quiet, rest and creative space from these moments that seem significant to my creative soul, and visit the photograph again and again down the road.

As I pick up my camera and start adjusting my camera settings to capture this beauty only significant to my heart, I hear a question on repeat from a conversation I just had with someone who is wise beyond her years, full of graceful questioning and perspective...why are you doing this? Why do you take pictures? A photo, I guess in simple terms, is just a tiny fragment of these hours today. Time wise, a photo is probably even less than a moment...1/125th of a second really to capture all this emotion, quiet, restful and holy feel of this space. Is that really all it takes? 1/125ths of a second?

And then it seems that the doors of my heart, soul and head burst open...I realize this is why I do this...my WHY.

Because in some way, YES, that is all it takes...1/125th of a second. But there are only so many halfs of a second in life that make me feel this way. And why should I let them pass by. After that second, it's gone. So to grab that 1/125th of a second, that's all I can do to capture a part of my story to share with anyone willing to listen.

And to do that for others. To give them this gift of that second. And give them the ability to access that very second for the rest of their life...to frame that second that will sit on the mantel of their home, their children's home, their grandchildren's home. To give them the gift of being able to look back on that significant second and access every ounce of tingly love, emotion, and space just as it was that day through a photograph. That's what I want to leave behind. For you. For me. For our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. For someone to come across 50 years from now and say "Wow. I feel who this person is. I can feel their happiness. Their soul. I can see it, right here."

Because just like today when the streets are filled with people running their Sunday errands, the horns are honking, and everything starts to get fuzzy for me in my mind, one look back on my photograph can transport me back to a place of solid ground. And I can remember what poured onto my pages about what is important in life. That the ideas, dreams and wishes schemed in that moment are what I want to build my life on. And that is this: to be a photographer who gives you the gift of capturing now. The heart and soul of these one hundreths of a second that tap into and draw back this moment for you to feel, and for you to pass on to those who are special to you forever.

I frequently find myself thinking this exact phrase over and over. "I want to be so many things".

In my lifetime, I have probably dreamed that I could be at least 100 professions. Oh ya, here are just a few. Starting from the beginning but in no real order.

Teacher. Ballerina. Book Store Owner. Librarian. Writer. Basketball Player. 4th grade teacher. Music Teacher. Art Teacher. Band Director. Choral Director. Singer. Graphic Designer. Corporate Graphic Designer. Freelance Graphic Designer. Graphic Designer at a Missions Agency. Youth Pastor. Worship Director. Professional Counselor. Photographer. Artist. Art Historian. Art Gallery Curator. Hair Stylist. Professional Blogger. Etsy Shop Owner (yes full time, yes I have thought this). Mom. Missionary. Customer Service. (Ya, not sure where that one came from.) Outreach Coordinator. Church Communications Director. Paperstore Owner. Stationary designer. Professional Pinterester. *Don't we all? Chef. A real one. Bakery Owner. Ice Cream shop owner. (with my sister, Kaylee) Really good home cook. Food Blogger.

Ya some are very specific (Etsy Shop Owner? Seriously?) and some are pretty broad (Graphic Designer...technically I could be an "Etsy Shop Owner" and an "Artist" and a "Paperstore Owner" and still be just called a Graphic Designer). Sometimes my head just begins to race with thoughts, I want to be so many things! I want to do so many things! And of course, I want to be good at them. I just don't want to "do" these things, I want to do them well. And I want everyone to know, that I "do" "this" well.

Shauna Neiquest posted this the other day and I felt one stanza sting deep.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Ouch. She's so right. Right now, my job is Office Manager to East Coast Conference (of the Evangelical Covenant Church, too long to say, but it has to be said for some people who don't know what "East Coast Conference" is). Ya, not a very glamourous job description. Not as good sounding as "Director of X" or "CEO of Y"...but the line "however humble" brings me back down to it doesn't matter what I call what I do.

I'm in the business of God's Business - Knowing & Loving People. No, I'm not a pastor giving much needed wisdom or some profound blogger (well, this is a blog; and this thought might be profound?) but I feel called to people. However Humble a profession I find myself in. I'm in the business of People. And how God does his business with people? Love.