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As you remember, a few months ago I did a workshop with Justin & Mary Marantz in New Haven - and one of the biggest things I walked away with wasn't beautiful photos, or the ability to keep my wits about me on a wedding day (I mean - I did learn those things too!), but it was something Mary said to me in the first 20 minutes of shooting. Forget expectations.

Funny she should say that as that was our theme for the year in 2011 - we were preparing to move to wherever God was calling Andrew in his ministry, and while we had both lived our entire lives in the Midwest we had to be realistic that God could call us to wherever He wanted. Thus - no expectations became our mantra. Having no expectations helped us go from frantic 'what-if-god-calls-us-to-the-middle-of-who-knows-where' to being able to truly center ourselves on the fact that when we have expectations, where are not having open eyes and ears to where we are being led in life.

So for Mary to say those two words to me as I am boiling over in frantic 'what-if-people-say-i-have-the-wrong-camera-wrong-lenses-wrong-website-or-don't-do-what-everyone-else-is-doing" jabber, all I could think was "are you kidding me?".

Maybe God sends us reoccuring messages in different ways so we can be reminded that He created us individually. That He created us with gifts and abilities different from each other. So that we listen and watch closely for those moments where He is especially talking to us. So that we aren't looking at what others have, what paths others are walking and think that there is a one size fits all standard to life.

Maybe you need to hear this today too - to leave your expectations of what things should be and accept them as they are. That things as they are might be better than what you expected.

{To kick off the weekend – mosey on over here to enter my giveaway - one photoshoot in Connecticut, one shoot in the NY/MA/RI area}OK! The weekend is here! Here is what we're up to.EatLast weekend I made the most divine pot of glorious stew, Beef Bourguignon. Recipe here, courtesy of Ina of course.WearIt has been chilly here this week, and my fall clothes have been resurrected. This is a jacket that was literally in the back of my closet. I got it from a friend in a clothing exchange - and I've never worn it before! It's the perfect coat for walking through big piles of leaves on the perfect fall day. See what else I've been pinning for fall clothing inspiration.GoWe're in the city soaking up autumn in New York (why not?). Oh, and one other little thing, I'm running 20 miles today. 15 days until the New York City marathon!Don't forget - I'm giving away two photoshoots, click here for more details and enter today! Just think of those Christmas cards coming up...! Entries will be accepted until Sunday the 21st at noon EST.

City love.In my About Me post, I mentioned I was soulfully born in 2003 - but I want you to know this has nothing to do with my relationship with the Lord, or Soul music. But it has everything to do with that first shift inside of learning more of who you are.My first city memory was when we were little, we use to drive through Chicago on our way to Florida for our family vacations. Sitting in traffic in the Loop on 90/94 I asked about the big buildings with all the windows busted out. My dad told me they were apartment buildings and that people lived in them, little kids like me (maybe I added that in my mind). I was mesmerized on so many levels - looking back I think that was my first interaction with urban poverty...right there from the comfort of my family vehical. I felt grateful that I did not live there.Fast forward 10 years - I am navigating for my mom as we are driving in downtown Chicago for the first time. I thought we had driven into a construction site (really - how would that happen?) but we were driving under the El on Lake Street. This is when I discovered my sense of city direction. I am reading street signs, navigating on that little map she gave me and we arrive at our hotel. We walked to get pizza after and I went to take pictures with my camera of the Chicago Theater. Looking back, my mom was terrified (maybe?) to be walking the streets of Chicago at dark, at 10pm. I don't remember being afraid - I was excited. I wanted to soak it all in. The lights at night, the people, the possibilities for adventures. I felt grateful that was going to live there.Over the next 8 years, I dove right in. And what I mean by dove in, I mean I dove "the exact same way a cartoon circus performer dives off a high platform and into a small cup of water, vanishing completely" (via). I took the el for fun, I would wander downtown for hours, I would get off at a random train stop and explore. I commuted to work on the El, the Clark bus, Lake Shore Drive. I trained for two marathons in our grid of a city, explored every combination of streets to run, parks to stop for a drink of water in, and Starbucks bathrooms. I was a nanny in my "gap summer" between college and "adult life" - I saw homes that you wouldn't believe. Wealth you wouldn't believe. Once I got my adult job, my office was in the John Hancock building. 9 months later, our new office space was ready for us and we moved to Cabrini-Green. Talk about seeing all aspects of the city. During my time there, my job was in Urban Outreach. I walked through Cabrini on my way to and from work, made friends with the people that crossed my paths. I worked with different non-profits for one project I had. I'd drive from Albany Park to Lincoln Park, to Garfield Park, to Little Village, to the South side. I learned the city - it's people, it's rhythm, it's smells. I felt grateful for my experiences there.Last June with all our belongings in a giant metal box, we got in our little Chicago-Craigslist car and drove to Connecticut. I strained to see the skyline in the rear view mirror as we sped down the Dan Ryan Expressway until all I could see was road behind us. We arrived in Connecticut on a Thursday night, and went out for Thai food. I felt disconnected inside, my power plug of energy - that rush I got from my constant urban exposure, was gone. The first day Andrew went to work I dropped him off and started driving towards the sign that said N.Y. City. It's almost as if the car drove itself, found free street parking, and ejected me right there on E. 73rd street. But this wasn't my city - this was a whole new ball game. Of fast driving taxis and crowds of tourists and a confusing subway system. A city grid that I didn't know. And yet I walked. Walked 30 blocks just soaking it in. I ate lunch by myself, with this giant goofy smile the whole time - practically jittery from my urban high like when you drink too much caffeine. But it didn't matter - I was there. Recharged. Ready to feed me again. Even now, a year later - every time we step out onto a city sidewalk for another journey in New York, my body relaxes, feels at peace. The honking cabs, the crowds of people, the smells; they almost envelop me like slipping into a bubble bath. Every time - I feel grateful.But now I see - it's not just Chicago. It's not just New York. It's what my soul has become because of these places. I have discovered this new season of life we are in has granted my 'city soul' a wonderful gift - the gift of finding "the love of place" all over again. The gift of understanding you learn to love a place by investing in it. The gift of seeing "city love" in any place, especially where I live right now. I feel grateful that God has brought me here.

The other day I was walking home from the gym and was thinking about the timing of everything. Our next Call, when people die, when babies are born, when our babies will be born. What if the time isn't right? I found myself making a deal with God;"Ok God, how about when I loose 30 pounds and we have money to move into a house, then we can have a baby?" or "Ok God, I'd be okay having a baby next summer. After the marathon." or "Ok God, we can move to X city once we're done with Y."I felt God say "Yep, okay. You know I already know when 'that' time is. I made it that way."I felt silly.Of course God knows. He knows. Just because he does. And He lets me think me in my tiny little world down here, I have control over it. But gently reminds me that I don't.Timing has always been a fear factor in my life - what if it's not the right time to buy this? To go on this trip? To make this huge decision? The saving Grace to my anxious flippity flop of a mind is that GOD orchestrates the timing. He has the big picture.The most moving image I always find rest in is that of a tapestry weaver and overseer in a sermon I heard a while back. As the overseer is calling out the orders to progress on the weaving of this intricate tapestry, one of the weavers makes a mistake. He stops to apologize but the overseer says to keep going. As the tapestry is nearing completion, the weaver is getting more and more upset about his mistake. Now this piece, which was suppose to be beautiful, intricate, orderly, and cohesively designed - will be ruined with the flaw of the glaring mistake he has made. As the tapestry is finished, the weaver takes a step back to the overseer's perspective - and he cannot believe his eyes. The overseer, who had full perspective the whole time, has taken the mistake in the weaving and made it the centerpiece of the tapestries design - its result is more beautiful than the original. What was thought to be an error in the work flow has now made this tapestry turn out to be grander than it's original design.We cannot see the timing - the beauty that God is weaving in the tapestry of our life We are working so close, so focused in the threads that we forget that we do not see God taking our mistakes, taking our choices, and making them into something we could have never dreamed it could be.