I wrote this post on January 27th and 10 days later I had sat with it long enough to publish. And feel good about it. I finally have sat down to make goals. GOALS! I'm a month late (if you consider January 1st to be the gold standard for goal setting), but it seems like it's taken me a month to really figure out what I want. How many times a week I want to work out, what our budgets will be, how much time I want to spend doing X & Z...even down to things I need to give myself permission to not think about in 2013 (ahem...kids).The funny thing about goals is that I imagine myself failing at all of them. Isn't that sad? Why make them in the first place if you're going to start out with that thought in mind.I began thinking about what I want out of my business this year. How many weddings I want to shoot, who's weddings I want to shoot, what I want to design, dream clients and so on. But most of all I want my goals to make sense for me. To not be superfluous - to count. To push me. To be a constant reminder of what I can become. Trusting I can become.So here are my goals. Scary to put them "out there" - on the internet. For all you folks who read my blog but don't comment (I see you, just tell me you're here!)Photography1. Shoot at least 6 weddings as the primary shooter - and gain as many second shooter opportunities as I can get. (need a second shooter? Email me!)2. Figure out what my ideal client profile is. (Thank you Justin & Mary in advance for "The Guide"...it's rocking my world)3. Make more photography friends in my area. (Live in Connecticut? Let's get together and talk apertures!)4. Photograph my everyday life more. (And get another external hard drive to house it all) Design1. Design 1-2 Showit Style Groups...possibly kickstarting a new portion of my business.2. Only take projects I'm excited about.3. Redesign/Update my current website & blog. (almost there if you're reading this on hellohelloaliciasturdy.com!)4. Collaborate with other designers. Personal1. Pray daily. (not while multitasking like while I'm brushing my teeth)2. Start journaling again...pen and paper style.3. One full day a week for just me and Andrew. (Let's keep each other accountable, dear reader. I want to be in the business of successful relationships & marriages!)4. Work out 3-5 days per week to loose ALL my Chicago weight. (weight gained from arriving and leaving Chicago. We'll just leave it at that.) Ready....set....GO! What goals are you making for your 2013? Share them - we can work together!

50 degrees.That was the temp in our house as we walked in door on Sunday night.I ran from room to room turning on each thermostat so the house would recede from the status of "ice box" to cozy yellow house on the corner.It was that very same day last year that a freak snowstorm knocked the power out in my neighborhood for 5 days - leaving us shivering under the covers each night with what felt like every article of clothing we owned on and tried to cozy up together under a 3 layer blanket shield.As my bathroom started to warm up and I ran the water hot to get ready for bed I started to think about the stark difference of our two hour drive back from NYC to our thawing home. Dark roads, unlit looming skyscrapers, damp mildewy smelling lobbies, completely empty grocery stores, long lines at gas stations and and threats of freezing temps and a large storm coming in a few days. As I thought of how to prepare my own home, I suddenly felt very fortunate - I have a warm house, warm clothes, food in my fridge and on my grocery store shelves. I am prepared.This past weekend I was in New York City for what was suppose to be the day I'd run the New York Marathon - instead I spent Saturday afternoon with people moved by a grass roots group called Upper West Side Loves. Picking up supplies from Duane Reade, making PB&J's, and grating a large knob of ginger that resulted in a car full of food that was driven down to the Lower East Side neighborhood, in particular to The Bowery House mission.I don't think we quite realize the difference between us & NYC this past week. And now under a layer of snow - 100 miles south of us has transformed into a world we can't imagine ourselves in.But I have hope this week - not about the Presidential election, or about who has won and who has lost - but I have hope that the Body - people - can change lives. That we can come together and help each other in the most basic way - giving. Whatever that looks like for you - I hope that you have hope and give hope this week.

October 11th, 2008.At the end of the long, blue stone aisle lined with perfectly bunched candles and 125 of our friends and family was the man I have had the honor of calling my husband for the past four years. He is tall, kind, loving, protective and I would not want any other person sharing the blankets with me every night from here until the end.I have been thinking a lot about what we were doing in preparation for the big day - picking up the flowers, table clothes, deep dish pizza (for the rehearsal dinner...come on - we're Chicagoians!), and even squeezing in a "Last Single Girl" sushi dinner with 15 of my closest friends two nights before the wedding. But nothing can prepare you for what's on the other side of "I Do" - grad school, late nights of washing dishes, the well timed (ha!) argument before bed, days of loving your job, days of hating your job, car trouble, a (half) cross country move, making new friends together - and most importantly finding that your best friend is indeed the one next to you every night.I was just texting with a girlfriend from highschool who's about to get married in a few weeks (congrats Brittany and Joel!) - and it made think back to the beginning of all this. Through all the messy, ugly, beautiful, and raw moments of the past four years, I am cherishing the past 365 the most. In moving from the midwest, and feeling I was losing so much love from friends and family, I found that I gained all that back and more in my marriage.So here's to our wedding day - for each bite of that delicious cake, each silly dance with my sisters and mom, for my last dance with my dad and my first with my husband. To loosing the confirmation papers for our hotel on the way to the honeymoon. To eating a room service midnight snack of chicken fingers and burgers at the end of the long day.To year one - the experiments in the kitchen, making new friends, starting new journeys in grad school, and to learning how each other grieves, celebrates, rests.To year two - to feeling like "we've got this down"...and finding out we had it all wrong, to finding our Chicago sweet spots, for friends babies that became nieces and nephews, to our last summer in the midwest.To year three - the hardest of them all. To moving, to exploring, to lots of tears, to learning even more about each other.To year four - to discovering, to settling in, to excelling in jobs, to friends who move away, to renewed joy in our home.In honor of our anniversary - I'm giving away two couple portrait sessions - one in Connecticut and one in the New York City/Rhode Island/Massachusetts/southern New Hampshire area! We have been so blessed by having amazing photographers document our engagement, wedding and life-after-wedding - I want to give back!How to enter:1. Like "Alicia Sturdy" on Facebook (*if you share the link to my blog you'll get an extra entry!*)2. Go to the "Say Hello" page on my website (www.aliciasturdy.com) and send me a note - Tell me about a special place you have with your significant other. A favorite restaurant? The shoreline? Central Park? Under the boardwalk (yea yea!)?3. Please be sure to include your location (there's a box for that!)All entries must be submitted by October 21st, 2012 at noon (eastern time). One entry will be selected from Connecticut, one entry will be selected from the other area's listed above.Winners announced on October 22nd!Session must be redeemed by January 31, 2013.*First photo- our wedding by Mallory Nelson - October 2008.*Second photo- our Goodbye Photoshoot with Erica Rose - June 2011.

My husband is a movie lover. All things movies, he loves. He is even one of those people who goes to the movies by himself (I shouldn't make fun of him, I am one of those people who eats alone at a restaurant). One of the movies he loves (don't judge) is Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. It. Is. Ridiculous. But - so quotable.One of my favorite, most quoted clips from the film is when Anna Faris sings a song called "Forgiveness". It's hilarious and just plain silly, but something about it today has one line stuck in my head.Forgiveness is more than saying sorry.I just came out a season that was hard on my soul. I felt I was wandering, reaching out to grasp whatever thought, idea, identity seemed to be "right", and ended up not lost, but wandering. As I move farther away from that time, and thankfully have had friends to ask me the right questions (at times hard questions) - I have done a myriad of things in the name of "forgiveness". I have confronted and emailed those who I have felt hurt by, those whom I've hurt, I have journaled letters never sent, I have asked God to please help me "get over" feeling the anger and frustration I had. But yet, at the end I still felt "wronged".How did I get here? And where is here? I hadn't really moved. I have gone through the steps, the motions of forgiveness. I was trying to fake it til I made it for crying out loud! Why was I still so angry?And then one Monday morning, I was talking on the phone to a dear friend who has walked along side me through this, and she said a simple statement - "I think you just need to forgive."Although she has said this to me 100s of times, I know the Lord put my heart in a place where I could truly hear it clearly. A place where I could understand forgiveness is more than an email, more than "still being right", more than feeling justified. Even now, my phone just lit up with a text message from a girl in our youth group at church. It was one of those chain text-message pictures people send around, but I couldn't see the picture clearly, only the word "Forgiveness" light up on the screen. The first thought flashed through my head, "WHO can see my computer?! That I'm about to write this!?" Nobody of course - but I'm going to take that as one more little sign from God that this truly is the right road to keep traveling. That I have truly forgiven not only in my head, but in my heart. And I need to continue doing that not just today, but every day.No matter the history, no matter the hurt. Without looking back, forgiveness means letting go. Giving it over. And moving forward.