The best part of this crazy, amazing, ever changing world of owning a business is the friends you have along side you for the journey.

One part in particular that I love is photographing those friends!

Jenny and I met at our beloved Covenant Point Bible Camp when we were both counselors together summer of 2004. We bonded over trips  into the small town the camp is located in, our love of Target, and a strange affinity for brown Sharpies (HOW that memory sticks out, I don't know!).

Now she owns the whimsical & inspiring Three Letter Birds shop, and recently was the chosen designer of Jen Hatmakers new podcast logo! Last month we worked together to bring her brightly colored and playful goods to life with new product photography, as well as new branded headshots.

What I love about photography is how it infuses life and brings out a voice. I love how these photographs of Jenny speak volumes for the work she does, and the person she is. She is Three Letter Birds...bright, inspiring and whimsical at heart. 

My favorite product of the moment she has? This amazing collection of quotes from her She Persisted collection...head on over to her shop, and treat yourself!

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My grandma with Stella.

Authors note: Mom, this is going to make you cry. Love, me

A shoebox sat on the coffee table under the window in my grandma's living room. I eyed it as I settled into the green brocade rocking chair that my grandpa always used to sit in. Ever since I can remember, my routine when coming to my grandmas was one of a few things. 1. playing outside in the woods, 2. climbing trees in the apple orchard chasing the cats that had climbed them to get away from me and my two sisters, 3. watching movies and sneaking into her big chest freezer to nab her Schwan's Golden Nugget bars or 4. pouring over boxes of old yearbooks & photographs.

This box I had never seen before, which made me happy. Happy doesn't even describe it. I was excited beyond the word, trying not to voraciously dump out the box to start from the bottom.

In the end, two and a half hours later, I got half way through the box. It's contents? Photographs I had never seen before in my life...important ones - like pictures of my mom as an infant, silly snapshots of my grandma in a giant set of pajamas at work with one of her coworkers...one of them in each leg and arm, and portraits of her great grandparents, mounted on thick paper and embossed with the studio and photographers name from back in Glasgow, Scotland.

My grandma has a hard time walking, she usually stays put in her rocker while we visit. But with each picture I inquired about, she almost leaped up out of her chair to get a closer look. She ended up sitting on the coffee table, laughing away her aches and pains as she diligently told me stories from beyond the frame. "This is me with my niece in Detroit, and just beyond the frame to the left is the steel mill in our town..." her voice trailed off as I realized this is where I inherited my photographic memory for detail (I'm that phone-a-friend for the details that you just can't quite remember).

This feeling in my chest started to rise and I felt myself getting emotional. This is why we take photographs. To sit for hours, pouring over an old shoe box full of photographs that can instantly come to life. Photographs are a key...to a locked door of our stories buried deep within our hearts and minds.

We are trusted with great responsibility - a library of the unwritten stories of our life. How will we get these stories out, into the light where they belong? I keep thinking about our senses...sight, sound, taste, and smell. Each is a road that we can journey to places sometimes forgotten until triggered by our senses. Even that day at my grandma's when I got out of the car, the smell of the wet grass and trees brought back a wave of nostalgia...of hours spent outside at my grandmas. And while I did say "I wish they made a candle that smelled like this!", all I can do is take that moment captive, and tie it to the memory of the afternoon spent with my grandma, that penned the stories of my mother, my grandmother, and beyond on the pages of my heart.

My grandma is the little girl on the left.

Image by Kindred Cinema

I've been thinking a lot about my story and how I've gotten to this particular place. This curly haired, weird glasses wearing, bright sweater owning girl is me now - but it's the ying to the yang of the past few years.

I use to be a huge people-pleaser. In the name of acceptance, I always took other people's’ advice, I always deeply considered suggestions given to me about my life. I always convinced myself ‘their way was right’. When building my business I would have 10 tabs with other people’s websites open so I could cobble together ‘the best of’ what I saw out there because someone told me they didn’t like what I had already built (quote, it was too ‘bold’). I have made life decisions upon a passing comment and then blamed others for my poor choice. These are not easy words to type.

Finally, a few years ago I found myself sitting on my big brown chair in my living room, tears dripping into my coffee, ‘deeply contemplating’ more life advice I had been given the day before. I’ll spare you the details, but in a nutshell after years of being told I wasn’t ‘enough’ (holy enough, thin enough, pretty enough, creative enough) I was weighing new advice that I was ‘too much’ (too successful, too talkative, too loud, too busy, too happy...all adding up to ‘too unapproachable’).

Looking back, I was too unapproachable. But I had no idea how to temper who I was with what I was expected to be. I sometimes felt like I was being forced into a box of 'who I was expected to be' and so I went in the opposite direction. I have shut people out of my life that I shouldn't have. I have pressed advice on friends who didn't need it. I pushed people away, and was good at it. I was becoming a person I never wanted to be.

I say all this to really say...and this is important that you hear this.

Who you are right now doesn't have to be who you are becoming.

You can change.

There is permission available for you to change course. Take it and run in the direction of the person you dream of being. Believe you can, embrace you can, implant it in your soul. Tell your besties...open up...be vulnerable about your state of affairs and where you want to go - you don't have to walk towards the light alone.

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Did you feel like this post lit up a part of you that needs to be let into the light? Hit the heart button below to let others know we're in this journey of becoming together.

Photo by Alex Good

One thing I love about the photography industry is the partnerships that can form in community with other photographers. There are niches for everyone and everything, and while I few years ago I decided big, huge, mansion weddings didn't fit with the heart behind my craft - I absolutely love teaming up with another photographers. The heart of what I do is about supporting the other photographer, anticipating their needs and what I know will help them rest easy while herding a bridal party of 10.

It also is two fold, because I get to hone my craft, giving me more opportunities to document a story that I know will be cherished for generations - the wedding day. I exclusively photograph intimate weddings (with a guest list of 50 or less), and so my eye is always looking for intimate spots on location for future nuptials with my couples.

So when I met Elizabeth Haase on cold, January night in 2016 at a Rising Tide Society meet-up, I knew we'd be fast friends. And even better? We're both film photographers, so as we both traverse the wedding day loading film, metering for each other and calling out readings - I can't help but be so grateful I've found not only a partner to journey in this crazy business owner life, but a friend!

The full post is over on Elizabeth's amazing website, leave her some love!

I have a secret. Well, I'm sorry to say it might not be that big of a secret, but...here it is. I'm obsessed with S'mores. I don't know the exact date of my infatuation, since let's face it, s'mores is an American institution. And really if I'm being honest, the ingredient at the heart of my obsession is the humble marshmallow. Through the years, as I have sought out s'mores (i.e. marshmallow) in different forms to quench my obsession....in cakes, ice cream, frappachinos, and even my favorite Martian Mallow Lipsmacker circa 1998 (which also inspired a sundae I invented at the ice cream shop I worked at in high school...different story for a different day) I came upon my favorite form of the s'more (besides the traditional form of them)...the s'more cupcake.

It was a cold January afternoon in Chicago when I strolled into Sprinkles to get a quick afternoon bite with my mom. Typically I get the Vanilla Chocolate cupcake, but that day in the case, the blistered meringue marshmallow topper beckoned me. 

One bite and I was a goner. Instead of going into detail, I beg you to experience for yourself. You can go to Sprinkles in August (it's the cupcake of the month) -or- you can whip it up for your 4th of July celebrations this week. 

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alicia's S'more cupcake

ingredients

for crust

• 1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs (from about 20 squares)
• 1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1-10oz bag Ghirardelli Chocolate Premium Baking Chips 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate (or just 9oz any bittersweet chocolate, chopped)

for cake

• your favorite chocolate cake mix (if you want to make the batter from scratch, here's my favorite recipe)

for frosting

• 8 large egg whites
• 2 cups sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

steps

Cupcakes

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line 2 cupcake tins (24 cupcake liners)
2. In a large bowl, place graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter...stir until combined.
3. Place 1-2 tablespoons (your preference on how thick you want it) graham cracker mixture into the bottom of each prepared muffin cup. Press crumbles to form crust. 
4. Place 2 tsp of chocolate chips in each muffin cup. Place pans in oven for about 5 minutes until the edges of the 'crust' is golden.
5. Remove from oven and fill each cup three-quarters full with cake batter. Sprinkle each with remaining chocolate chips.
6. Return to oven and bake 8-10 minutes...rotate pans and bake for another 8-10 minutes until toothpick inserted in cupcake comes out clean.
7. Cool cupcakes in tin on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then remove.

Marshmallow Frosting

1. Place egg whites, sugar, and cream of tarter in a glass bowl over a saucepan of boiling water.
2. Whisk constantly until sugar is dissolved and whites are warm to the touch, 3 to 4 minutes.
3. Transfer bowl to electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, and beat, starting on low speed, gradually increasing to high, until stiff, glossy peaks form, 5 to 7 minutes.
4. Add vanilla and fold over a few times to combine.

To finish...

1. Frost cooled cupcakes with marshmallow frosting. Doesn't need to be perfect, and the thicker the frosting, the better!

Oven-toasted method

• After cupcakes are all frosted, place cupcakes on a sheetpan. Under a low-broiler, return cupcakes to oven to toast tops. Keep a close eye, I've burned the tops before. 😳

Blow-torch method

• After cupcakes after frosted, take a blowtorch and quickly toast the top of each cake. See my video!

a tip for you

to crumble your graham crackers, put a few in a plastic ziplock bag and pound out with an ice cream scoop, or run them all through your food processor to create the perfect crumb.

I love summer. I love laying out in the hot sun on my porch. I love lingering light at 10pm. I love things that grow, things that sprout, things that I can eat that only grow in summer.
 

I grew up on the northern shores of Lake Michigan, and so summer has always meant time on the water. My friend Molly lived right on the lake, and me and our other friend Tracy spent most of our days swimming & making mischief while documenting it on a series of underwater cameras we'd then run into town to develop at the one-hour photo lab. When I moved to Chicago, I spent endless hours training the for the marathon, running up and down Lake Shore Drive along the water or downtown, criss crossing back and forth across the Chicago River bridges. Our New England years were spent at places like Hammonasset Beach (we prefer East Beach), Touisset Point, or shuttling from Brooklyn to Manhattan on the East River ferry. But now at our little shoreline town in southeast Wisconsin, we live 5 blocks from Lake Michigan. Time on the water is something I'm never short of.

This summer I hope to do more sessions while on the road, which is why I'm announcing my summer travel dates.

Click here to inquire!

Even though I'm local to Chicago all year round, I plan to be in Chicago more during the month of July, and even squeeze in a trip to Traverse City to see my little sis.

August, we're heading on our (now) annual summer road trip to Rhode Island and I CAN'T WAIT! Plus, all you New England friends...we're planning a few extra days to be in Connecticut to make the rounds and we'd love to see you! I'm thinking, a drop in dinner at Mondo or Heirloom? What do you think?

Email me directly at alicia@hitherandhold.com -or- Design Your Session here!

I sat on the couch, cozily nestled between my sleeping fevered babe and my favorite pillow and blanket. With the snow falling outside, Andrew and I were resigned to our perches in the living room - battling the urge to binge watch a whole season of The West Wing...you know, just a typical Monday night.

We decided that this Monday would be different...with Stella sleeping her fever off soundly in my arms we did not need the likes of Sam Seaborn waking her and so the TV remained off. I picked up my newest copy of Magnolia Magazine and flipped to the front page, I started to read, with Joanna's voice in my head narrating all along. All the other things I had...or rather, "should" do interrupted my thoughts. I need to blog, I need to edit, I need to do the dishes and the mountain of months old laundry residing on our basement floor. I need a plan, I said. I need a plan to do it all.

I sometimes want to become a person who does all the things - but what I need to become a person who does the important things.

Because when I plan to do it all, I fail. You know why? Because I don't plan, I just jump in and try to do, do do as fast as I can and I always end up nowhere. Because honestly, a PLAN to do all the things would make me realize I can't do ALL THE THINGS (Can I say that more times?)

I want to become a woman who does important things. Because of important things matter. Important things aren't an emergency. Important things are the things that need to be done...that matter when they are finished...that move us towards becoming more of who we want to be.

So that snowy evening with the dusky pink sky...I resigned to the fact that if I fail to plan, I plan to fail. And I am not interested in becoming a woman who fails at the un-important things. (I'm totally fine and am in fact, an expert at failing to do unimportant things and that's cool with me).

And within the pages of Magnolia Journal, my plan sprang up at me. In the words of our dear Joanna...a plan for the Hither & Hold blog fell into my lap.

What inspired me is her quarterly magazine.

And Each quarter she chooses a theme or a virtue that they want to dive deep into and look at from various angles. "Rather than present these as simple platitudes, we seek to make them tangible fruit: there for the taking, enjoying, and nourishing." 

My plan for this blog is this.

to be a place for important things to be written, shared, celebrated and loved. Things not just important to me, but important for us to become who we were truly born to become.

So this quarter - April, May & June - we will focus on the word becoming. I can't wait to share the next couple words with you, but I'm going to sit on them for the next month or so and truly be sure they're themes & virtues that ring true to the Hither & Hold message, our community and my inspiration because of people like you.

Come with me on this journey - a journey of becoming. I can't wait to see where we go.

Tell me in the comments below...what comes to mind when you hear the word BECOMING?

I curled up to the fleece blanket a little closer as I flicked through the channels. Food Network seemed like a safe choice for binge watching that January afternoon, now almost ten years ago. Post-college life only allowed a few days at home at a time, and although the entire four years prior I had been thinking of ways to get out of the house when I was home - now that the time was limited I wanted to stay in as much as possible.

I remember my first episode of Barefoot Contessa as plain as day. Say it with Food is the name of the episode, and Ina brings a breakfast basket to a friend filled with fabulous things because, well, she's fabulous.

Yesterday I did my first craazy long Instagram story about making Gluten Free Corn Muffins for my friends. Each Tuesday we host community group/small group at our house and we use to just randomly here and there do a potluck. But I realized it stressed everyone out to run and pick up something right before our 6:30pm group time, and our group FAR TOO MUCH enjoyed the eating and socializing and we'd be left with 30 minutes for our actual Bible Study. So when our church announced it would be doing a church-wide small group study called "40 Days of Community" I decided we needed just that - community.
So we opened our house up even earlier than before (doors open at 5:45pm!) and dinner would be ready and waiting - please just bring yourselves.

Here's the trick.

A couple of folks in our group have food allergies...and everyone is a little bit of a gourmand so pizza every week would not do. So using my new favorite website called Plan to Eat, I plan each week to have a gluten free, highly delicious and super simple meal for my people. It's my way of serving. It's my way of loving. I just say it with food.

Ina's Gluten Free Skillet Corn Bread

Last week we had a crazy lake effect snowstorm that dumped almost 2 feet of snow on little ole' Racine. So the big pot of chili I had made needed to be frozen and saved for next week (when you've just finished making dinner for 14 people - you gotta save that puppy for when the 14 people are actually coming). So this week, as the chili thawed, I whipped up my favorite corn bread recipe, minus the gluten. A simple swap of Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Flour did just the trick.

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour (regular or gluten free!)
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup medium cornmeal
• 2 tablespoons baking powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1/2 pound unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 2 extra-large eggs

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F with your skillet inside to get hot.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, mix the flour, sugar, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt.
3. In a separate bowl, combine the milk, melted butter, and eggs.
4. With the mixer on the lowest speed, pour the wet ingredients into the dry ones and stir until they are just blended.
5. Remove the skillet from the oven and grease the pan one of two ways. Either a) spray with cooking spray or b) place a tablespoon of butter in the pan and spread it around the hot skillet until it melts.
5. Spoon the batter into the skillet, filling it almost to the top. (there is enough batter for two batches...I just baked my second half in a cake pan).
6. Bake for ~20 minutes, until the top is crisp and a toothpick comes out clean.
7. Cool slightly and remove from the pan.

California has always been this echo in my life story. I grew up hearing stories of my first big trip at nine months old to California and Disneyland. One of my best friends from high school went to college in SoCal and I was always scheming a way to go visit her. My roommate in college was from California. Ten years ago Andrew and I took our first big vacation together to visit friends in the Santa Cruz area and we went surfing, saw seals and did all the touristy San Francisco things. One of my besties lives in LA and after a timely and much needed visit one cold, snowy January I couldn't stop dreaming about going back. Last year, a whirlwind trip to our now beloved beach house solidified my friendship with three lovely ladies I call my Biz Besties.  

And now the company I work for is nestled on a quiet street in the SoMa neighborhood in San Francisco. Last month I went out there for a week to work and naturally my biz besties couldn't stay away. They all came from thier corners of the country and we had a day together that was so delightful and filling that when it was over I couldn't help but think "I can't wait until our next opportunity to be together again!"

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Have you ever had a place be on your heart and never in a million years would you think it would be a part of your story? That's what California is to me and I couldn't be more grateful of the role it plays in my story. 💛 

Last year my friends Shaina & Treacy introduced me to something called Dressing Your Truth. It's an energy profiling system that helps you make your outside (clothes, hair, habits) reflect your inside! At first I was skeptical when I got the 'Type 1' energy profile because absolutely nothing about it reflected my outside look - although I was in agreement with everything it outlined for my personality and features.

The past couple years as I was building out my Hither & Hold brand I focused on darker colors...pinks with black & gray then blues and golds...and honestly the past year I felt like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the right fit for my design. You should know, I'm a graphic designer and so that is a little bit of a blessing and a curse. I could never just settle on a design it seemed. I would create something beautiful, but it didn't feel me and I could not figure out why.

Around new years I was reading this color psychology chart  (if you haven't figure out by now, I love psychology!) and in reading the descriptions of all the colors I learned why I never felt at home. The message I was sending through my color choices was NOT the one I intended. So I decided NOT to look at the color and only read the feeling descriptions of the colors. And that's when I read this:

Peach - PMS 162C Positive: nurturing, soft, fuzzy, tactile, delicious, fruity, sweet tasting, sweet smelling, inviting, warm, physical comfort, intimate, modest, embracing.

Inviting. Warm. Intimate. Embracing. All adjectives used by my clients after their photo sessions.

I looked at the color. Peach. I had a reaction I didn't know how I felt about. Peach felt weak. Peach felt 'predictable'. Peach felt NOT ME. (or atleast the me I thought I should project)

And then I revisited my Dressing Your Truth colors. Peach fit perfect into the colors I was trying to wear more of, and always felt best when wearing (like pinks and oranges and yellows). I looked at my old inspiration boards, and that's when I found this image.

It was an image that I had pinned on every photograph inspiration board I ever had. I even remember once I tried to pull a color swatch from the image and was surprised that it was actually peach, not pink.

Peach, it seemed, had been following me. Subconsciously, and hiding right in plain sight. I felt like once I stopped trying to make something work because of an ideal I had in my head, and just opened my eyes to what was already in front of me - the perfect fit was there. 

So please! Poke around my new website and leave me a comment about what you love! 

As the files trickled one by one into my Dropbox I eagerly clicked and double clicked into the files to see what I didn't know would be just what I needed.

It seems, every few months or so my foot gets caught in a trap...of comparison, of bad self-talk, of really honestly thinking I can't do anyyything and I find myself asking God,

"Hey...I know you want me to lay this down....that is what you're saying right? Because I'm listening...God send me a sign if I'm suppose to walk away from this whole dream and just be ____, ____ or ____."

(Fill in what you will...most times lately it's filled in with 'just a mom').

So when Kristen was sending me the video clips she had taken from the session I had done with my friends Treacy & Jay in California last month, I couldn't help but think "Why bother". I was going to give this up, lay it down, let it go. Dreams don't come true I guess, and while it was nice that Kristen was sending me the files, this was so last week for me.

And then I started opening them one by one. And cue the tears, tears, runny nose...all the things. What I saw with my eyes is just what I needed and didn't know it.

Kristen had given me a taste of my own medicine...and it's exactly what I needed.

When I photograph my couples, I see it as an opportunity to create an experience for them to connect. To share about the past & future...where they've come from and where they're going. I tell them to play, to hold each other, to share their dreams for the future, and to ask them to hold each other in a way that would take away all the pain they had ever felt. To be reminded why they journey this life together.

And so when I saw these video clips, I saw why I do these things. I was transported back to that breezy evening at Muir Beach with people in long coats and 14 year olds swimming in the cold Pacific waters. To Treacy & Jay holding each other, and them telling one another why they fell in love with each other, and why they keep loving each other. I was given a new perspective on what I create every time I pick up a camera, and how it makes me feel. Those moments where the perfect light, the perfect hold, and the perfect connection makes me go click on the shutter to save that moment. And the experience I create and have with my people...it was shown to me in a whole new light.

Thank you Kristen, you have given me such a gift. You have no idea what a reminder of that experience would bring to my spirit to keep pursuing what I was born to do.

I'd love for you to check out my new 1 minute video! More videos to come because Kristen knocked it out of the park and got SOOO many goodies...enjoy <3

Hither & Hold Launch

Welcome welcome WELCOME! I am so ELATED to have you here, on my blog, for the launch of my new website Hither & Hold.

It's been a long journey for me to get to this place, and I am so excited that you're here with me, celebrating today!

Four years ago yesterday (ironically) I launched my first website. Pink and brown flowers with my handwriting incorporated in the design. A small announcement in the middle of the night. Back then, I was scared. Of this idea I could actually DO this. Of putting myself out there. To being true to myself.

It's been a long road since then. Moving cross country and back, a baby, job transition, loss and gains. But that small seed of what sparked all this to begin has grown and bloomed. I can honestly say, Hither & Hold is what I have always had in me but never knew what it was or how to communicate it.

What I have always known is, I wanted to tell stories. I'm that child growing up that always got excessive talking marked on her report card. Who wrote short stories fearlessly, and made copies for her relatives to read at Easter and Thanksgiving. So when I found a camera in my hand, it became a natural extension of my storytelling.

The stories I tell with my camera have meaning beyond the frame. A special gift between to the beholder...to look at a photograph and draw close to that moment and thousands of others that led up to it. When we moved away from Chicago in 2011, my 25 year old self clung to a photograph of us taken the week before we moved. I clung to the story of my life up until that point. I clung to the plot lines, twists and turns that had brought me to that place. And I held it dear. It helped me grieve. It helped me find peace. It helped me find joy again, because I knew if we could be so happy there, we could be so happy here again. That all the things that brought us up to that moment were within us to be brought up again...it was hope...possibility...love.

The word hither means 'to or toward this place'. It came to me in a sacred moment. Pen on the page, Hither was scribbled between the lines. I didn't even know what it really meant, so I looked it up in the dictionary.

'To this place'

Pairing that idea with photographs, I knew immediately 'place' it was referring to because I had been there often. I knew a companion to the word hither was hold. Because that's what we do. We draw close and hold those moments dear. Moments within seasons of faithfulness. Seasons of peace. Seasons of grieving. Seasons of change.

I always had this fear: "I don't want to just be another 'lady with a camera' - but I know now that is what I am. A woman with a camera in my hands, and that camera is how I will do the work I've been given here on earth - to reveal the sacredness of seasons of life, and make markers in the journey for you to hither & hold.

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I invite you to explore. To click into all the pages and read the words that have been brewing in me for so long. And stay tuned this week - TWO amazing giveaways are coming! More details will be here on the blog, and on social media, so please! Follow Hither & Hold on Instagram & Facebook, and sign up to receive my VIP email HERE.