Image by Kindred Cinema

I've been thinking a lot about my story and how I've gotten to this particular place. This curly haired, weird glasses wearing, bright sweater owning girl is me now - but it's the ying to the yang of the past few years.

I use to be a huge people-pleaser. In the name of acceptance, I always took other people's’ advice, I always deeply considered suggestions given to me about my life. I always convinced myself ‘their way was right’. When building my business I would have 10 tabs with other people’s websites open so I could cobble together ‘the best of’ what I saw out there because someone told me they didn’t like what I had already built (quote, it was too ‘bold’). I have made life decisions upon a passing comment and then blamed others for my poor choice. These are not easy words to type.

Finally, a few years ago I found myself sitting on my big brown chair in my living room, tears dripping into my coffee, ‘deeply contemplating’ more life advice I had been given the day before. I’ll spare you the details, but in a nutshell after years of being told I wasn’t ‘enough’ (holy enough, thin enough, pretty enough, creative enough) I was weighing new advice that I was ‘too much’ (too successful, too talkative, too loud, too busy, too happy...all adding up to ‘too unapproachable’).

Looking back, I was too unapproachable. But I had no idea how to temper who I was with what I was expected to be. I sometimes felt like I was being forced into a box of 'who I was expected to be' and so I went in the opposite direction. I have shut people out of my life that I shouldn't have. I have pressed advice on friends who didn't need it. I pushed people away, and was good at it. I was becoming a person I never wanted to be.

I say all this to really say...and this is important that you hear this.

Who you are right now doesn't have to be who you are becoming.

You can change.

There is permission available for you to change course. Take it and run in the direction of the person you dream of being. Believe you can, embrace you can, implant it in your soul. Tell your besties...open up...be vulnerable about your state of affairs and where you want to go - you don't have to walk towards the light alone.

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Did you feel like this post lit up a part of you that needs to be let into the light? Hit the heart button below to let others know we're in this journey of becoming together.

Photo by Alex Good

I sat on the couch, cozily nestled between my sleeping fevered babe and my favorite pillow and blanket. With the snow falling outside, Andrew and I were resigned to our perches in the living room - battling the urge to binge watch a whole season of The West Wing...you know, just a typical Monday night.

We decided that this Monday would be different...with Stella sleeping her fever off soundly in my arms we did not need the likes of Sam Seaborn waking her and so the TV remained off. I picked up my newest copy of Magnolia Magazine and flipped to the front page, I started to read, with Joanna's voice in my head narrating all along. All the other things I had...or rather, "should" do interrupted my thoughts. I need to blog, I need to edit, I need to do the dishes and the mountain of months old laundry residing on our basement floor. I need a plan, I said. I need a plan to do it all.

I sometimes want to become a person who does all the things - but what I need to become a person who does the important things.

Because when I plan to do it all, I fail. You know why? Because I don't plan, I just jump in and try to do, do do as fast as I can and I always end up nowhere. Because honestly, a PLAN to do all the things would make me realize I can't do ALL THE THINGS (Can I say that more times?)

I want to become a woman who does important things. Because of important things matter. Important things aren't an emergency. Important things are the things that need to be done...that matter when they are finished...that move us towards becoming more of who we want to be.

So that snowy evening with the dusky pink sky...I resigned to the fact that if I fail to plan, I plan to fail. And I am not interested in becoming a woman who fails at the un-important things. (I'm totally fine and am in fact, an expert at failing to do unimportant things and that's cool with me).

And within the pages of Magnolia Journal, my plan sprang up at me. In the words of our dear Joanna...a plan for the Hither & Hold blog fell into my lap.

What inspired me is her quarterly magazine.

And Each quarter she chooses a theme or a virtue that they want to dive deep into and look at from various angles. "Rather than present these as simple platitudes, we seek to make them tangible fruit: there for the taking, enjoying, and nourishing." 

My plan for this blog is this.

to be a place for important things to be written, shared, celebrated and loved. Things not just important to me, but important for us to become who we were truly born to become.

So this quarter - April, May & June - we will focus on the word becoming. I can't wait to share the next couple words with you, but I'm going to sit on them for the next month or so and truly be sure they're themes & virtues that ring true to the Hither & Hold message, our community and my inspiration because of people like you.

Come with me on this journey - a journey of becoming. I can't wait to see where we go.

Tell me in the comments below...what comes to mind when you hear the word BECOMING?