Eating Your Words

Wednesday morning I had a tough time in my bootcamp class. I couldn't work as hard, as fast, and just felt off during those 30 reps of burpees (let's be honest, who doesn't feel off doing burpees?). I have been doing my 6am class three times a week since January 2nd, and this was the first time I felt like I was hitting a wall since the first week. Like a whole other layer of muscles were waking up, and I hurt. At the end of class, I crawled home through the two feet of snow back to my cozy house on the corner and curled up on the couch with a blanket, coffee, and my iPad. I pulled my inbox up and sat staring at my new emails. Two from potential wedding inquiries - both saying they had gone with other photographers. I pulled the blanket a little tighter and sighed. Two weeks ago my beloved Canon 5D had started acting up and I was advised to get a second camera body and move my other camera as a backup in case it died. I had just ordered a new camera the night before, and now it felt like I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. That doesn't even speak to the irony that I had just had a featured guest post on another photographer’s blog cheering all the wishers and dreamers to follow their callings and jump towards them fearlessly. Heck, I even felt like I had done the equivalent of shouting from the rooftops, be fearless about being yourself. And now I was having to read and reflect on my own words, my own cheering, my own encouragements to all you and listen. There are going to be days where the fog is a little too thick to see where we are going. One other component of my leap into photography that I didn't touch on in Tuesday's blog was this - faith. Faith in knowing the ultimate artist - the one who created my creativity - is leading me. Slowly walking me down the path of finding out who I am as an artist, but also who I am as His child. Knowing, trusting, and resting in those things. Know trusting and resting in this crazy road map of a life that is my story because of Him. So Wednesday morning, I ate my words. And they weren't bitter, weren't hard to digest - the scars, the hard days, and the down and out days make being fearless a necessity.