I sat on the couch, cozily nestled between my sleeping fevered babe and my favorite pillow and blanket. With the snow falling outside, Andrew and I were resigned to our perches in the living room - battling the urge to binge watch a whole season of The West Wing...you know, just a typical Monday night.

We decided that this Monday would be different...with Stella sleeping her fever off soundly in my arms we did not need the likes of Sam Seaborn waking her and so the TV remained off. I picked up my newest copy of Magnolia Magazine and flipped to the front page, I started to read, with Joanna's voice in my head narrating all along. All the other things I had...or rather, "should" do interrupted my thoughts. I need to blog, I need to edit, I need to do the dishes and the mountain of months old laundry residing on our basement floor. I need a plan, I said. I need a plan to do it all.

I sometimes want to become a person who does all the things - but what I need to become a person who does the important things.

Because when I plan to do it all, I fail. You know why? Because I don't plan, I just jump in and try to do, do do as fast as I can and I always end up nowhere. Because honestly, a PLAN to do all the things would make me realize I can't do ALL THE THINGS (Can I say that more times?)

I want to become a woman who does important things. Because of important things matter. Important things aren't an emergency. Important things are the things that need to be done...that matter when they are finished...that move us towards becoming more of who we want to be.

So that snowy evening with the dusky pink sky...I resigned to the fact that if I fail to plan, I plan to fail. And I am not interested in becoming a woman who fails at the un-important things. (I'm totally fine and am in fact, an expert at failing to do unimportant things and that's cool with me).

And within the pages of Magnolia Journal, my plan sprang up at me. In the words of our dear Joanna...a plan for the Hither & Hold blog fell into my lap.

What inspired me is her quarterly magazine.

And Each quarter she chooses a theme or a virtue that they want to dive deep into and look at from various angles. "Rather than present these as simple platitudes, we seek to make them tangible fruit: there for the taking, enjoying, and nourishing." 

My plan for this blog is this.

to be a place for important things to be written, shared, celebrated and loved. Things not just important to me, but important for us to become who we were truly born to become.

So this quarter - April, May & June - we will focus on the word becoming. I can't wait to share the next couple words with you, but I'm going to sit on them for the next month or so and truly be sure they're themes & virtues that ring true to the Hither & Hold message, our community and my inspiration because of people like you.

Come with me on this journey - a journey of becoming. I can't wait to see where we go.

Tell me in the comments below...what comes to mind when you hear the word BECOMING?

I curled up to the fleece blanket a little closer as I flicked through the channels. Food Network seemed like a safe choice for binge watching that January afternoon, now almost ten years ago. Post-college life only allowed a few days at home at a time, and although the entire four years prior I had been thinking of ways to get out of the house when I was home - now that the time was limited I wanted to stay in as much as possible.

I remember my first episode of Barefoot Contessa as plain as day. Say it with Food is the name of the episode, and Ina brings a breakfast basket to a friend filled with fabulous things because, well, she's fabulous.

Yesterday I did my first craazy long Instagram story about making Gluten Free Corn Muffins for my friends. Each Tuesday we host community group/small group at our house and we use to just randomly here and there do a potluck. But I realized it stressed everyone out to run and pick up something right before our 6:30pm group time, and our group FAR TOO MUCH enjoyed the eating and socializing and we'd be left with 30 minutes for our actual Bible Study. So when our church announced it would be doing a church-wide small group study called "40 Days of Community" I decided we needed just that - community.
So we opened our house up even earlier than before (doors open at 5:45pm!) and dinner would be ready and waiting - please just bring yourselves.

Here's the trick.

A couple of folks in our group have food allergies...and everyone is a little bit of a gourmand so pizza every week would not do. So using my new favorite website called Plan to Eat, I plan each week to have a gluten free, highly delicious and super simple meal for my people. It's my way of serving. It's my way of loving. I just say it with food.

Ina's Gluten Free Skillet Corn Bread

Last week we had a crazy lake effect snowstorm that dumped almost 2 feet of snow on little ole' Racine. So the big pot of chili I had made needed to be frozen and saved for next week (when you've just finished making dinner for 14 people - you gotta save that puppy for when the 14 people are actually coming). So this week, as the chili thawed, I whipped up my favorite corn bread recipe, minus the gluten. A simple swap of Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Flour did just the trick.

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour (regular or gluten free!)
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup medium cornmeal
• 2 tablespoons baking powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1/2 pound unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 2 extra-large eggs

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F with your skillet inside to get hot.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, mix the flour, sugar, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt.
3. In a separate bowl, combine the milk, melted butter, and eggs.
4. With the mixer on the lowest speed, pour the wet ingredients into the dry ones and stir until they are just blended.
5. Remove the skillet from the oven and grease the pan one of two ways. Either a) spray with cooking spray or b) place a tablespoon of butter in the pan and spread it around the hot skillet until it melts.
5. Spoon the batter into the skillet, filling it almost to the top. (there is enough batter for two batches...I just baked my second half in a cake pan).
6. Bake for ~20 minutes, until the top is crisp and a toothpick comes out clean.
7. Cool slightly and remove from the pan.

California has always been this echo in my life story. I grew up hearing stories of my first big trip at nine months old to California and Disneyland. One of my best friends from high school went to college in SoCal and I was always scheming a way to go visit her. My roommate in college was from California. Ten years ago Andrew and I took our first big vacation together to visit friends in the Santa Cruz area and we went surfing, saw seals and did all the touristy San Francisco things. One of my besties lives in LA and after a timely and much needed visit one cold, snowy January I couldn't stop dreaming about going back. Last year, a whirlwind trip to our now beloved beach house solidified my friendship with three lovely ladies I call my Biz Besties.  

And now the company I work for is nestled on a quiet street in the SoMa neighborhood in San Francisco. Last month I went out there for a week to work and naturally my biz besties couldn't stay away. They all came from thier corners of the country and we had a day together that was so delightful and filling that when it was over I couldn't help but think "I can't wait until our next opportunity to be together again!"

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Have you ever had a place be on your heart and never in a million years would you think it would be a part of your story? That's what California is to me and I couldn't be more grateful of the role it plays in my story. 💛 

Last year my friends Shaina & Treacy introduced me to something called Dressing Your Truth. It's an energy profiling system that helps you make your outside (clothes, hair, habits) reflect your inside! At first I was skeptical when I got the 'Type 1' energy profile because absolutely nothing about it reflected my outside look - although I was in agreement with everything it outlined for my personality and features.

The past couple years as I was building out my Hither & Hold brand I focused on darker colors...pinks with black & gray then blues and golds...and honestly the past year I felt like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the right fit for my design. You should know, I'm a graphic designer and so that is a little bit of a blessing and a curse. I could never just settle on a design it seemed. I would create something beautiful, but it didn't feel me and I could not figure out why.

Around new years I was reading this color psychology chart  (if you haven't figure out by now, I love psychology!) and in reading the descriptions of all the colors I learned why I never felt at home. The message I was sending through my color choices was NOT the one I intended. So I decided NOT to look at the color and only read the feeling descriptions of the colors. And that's when I read this:

Peach - PMS 162C Positive: nurturing, soft, fuzzy, tactile, delicious, fruity, sweet tasting, sweet smelling, inviting, warm, physical comfort, intimate, modest, embracing.

Inviting. Warm. Intimate. Embracing. All adjectives used by my clients after their photo sessions.

I looked at the color. Peach. I had a reaction I didn't know how I felt about. Peach felt weak. Peach felt 'predictable'. Peach felt NOT ME. (or atleast the me I thought I should project)

And then I revisited my Dressing Your Truth colors. Peach fit perfect into the colors I was trying to wear more of, and always felt best when wearing (like pinks and oranges and yellows). I looked at my old inspiration boards, and that's when I found this image.

It was an image that I had pinned on every photograph inspiration board I ever had. I even remember once I tried to pull a color swatch from the image and was surprised that it was actually peach, not pink.

Peach, it seemed, had been following me. Subconsciously, and hiding right in plain sight. I felt like once I stopped trying to make something work because of an ideal I had in my head, and just opened my eyes to what was already in front of me - the perfect fit was there. 

So please! Poke around my new website and leave me a comment about what you love! 

As the files trickled one by one into my Dropbox I eagerly clicked and double clicked into the files to see what I didn't know would be just what I needed.

It seems, every few months or so my foot gets caught in a trap...of comparison, of bad self-talk, of really honestly thinking I can't do anyyything and I find myself asking God,

"Hey...I know you want me to lay this down....that is what you're saying right? Because I'm listening...God send me a sign if I'm suppose to walk away from this whole dream and just be ____, ____ or ____."

(Fill in what you will...most times lately it's filled in with 'just a mom').

So when Kristen was sending me the video clips she had taken from the session I had done with my friends Treacy & Jay in California last month, I couldn't help but think "Why bother". I was going to give this up, lay it down, let it go. Dreams don't come true I guess, and while it was nice that Kristen was sending me the files, this was so last week for me.

And then I started opening them one by one. And cue the tears, tears, runny nose...all the things. What I saw with my eyes is just what I needed and didn't know it.

Kristen had given me a taste of my own medicine...and it's exactly what I needed.

When I photograph my couples, I see it as an opportunity to create an experience for them to connect. To share about the past & future...where they've come from and where they're going. I tell them to play, to hold each other, to share their dreams for the future, and to ask them to hold each other in a way that would take away all the pain they had ever felt. To be reminded why they journey this life together.

And so when I saw these video clips, I saw why I do these things. I was transported back to that breezy evening at Muir Beach with people in long coats and 14 year olds swimming in the cold Pacific waters. To Treacy & Jay holding each other, and them telling one another why they fell in love with each other, and why they keep loving each other. I was given a new perspective on what I create every time I pick up a camera, and how it makes me feel. Those moments where the perfect light, the perfect hold, and the perfect connection makes me go click on the shutter to save that moment. And the experience I create and have with my people...it was shown to me in a whole new light.

Thank you Kristen, you have given me such a gift. You have no idea what a reminder of that experience would bring to my spirit to keep pursuing what I was born to do.

I'd love for you to check out my new 1 minute video! More videos to come because Kristen knocked it out of the park and got SOOO many goodies...enjoy <3